For the future's not ours to see...

There is so much going on in our world today that is negative. I get irritated with watching the news and seeing such drama the media portrays. I never really paid that much attention to it until I had Madelynne and then everything changed about my perception of the world. It is scary, out there, when all you want to do is shelter and protect your little one. Maybe I am coming to the terms with growing older and realizing that life on this great planet is limited and to make the most of it. Being a SAH mom has really caused me to think and reflect on so many different things. It hasn’t always been sweet, happy thoughts, either. I know a few weeks ago I was really concerned for the end of the world and for my daughter and future generations that have to endure such drastic changes that will continue to occur over time. I find myself getting caught up with questions about my faith and my journey as a Christian and feeling lost and not knowing who to turn to or talk to about such conflictions. Then, I just look at Madelynne every day and pray, with all my being, that she has much more compassion and loving heart and less fear than her worry-wart of a mother, who really, cannot change the future and just needs to learn to accept it.

What I love, though, the most is what reflection has done for me as a whole. It has caused me to limit my judgments to myself, and not others. Politics and beliefs pollute every ounce of the media and what I feel personally is that it is not my place to judge others actions or beliefs. Granted, I may not agree with them, but at least I do not barrage those people with an up-in-your-face personality that demands them to reevaluate all that they know and all they believe. I would much rather just take it with stride, learn and educate myself, and then, make up my own mind. I do not like getting ridiculed for liking a post on Facebook or making a comment after reading an article. I do not need to be hated nor do I want to dish out that kind of anger or hate. It is not worth it.

But honestly, if anything, I try very hard to look at the blessings that I get each day. I try really hard to search out positive, funny, and light-hearted news stories so that I am not bombarded with the negative. I try really hard to believe and have faith, like Madelynne does, because she never doubts that she will not get fed or have her diaper changed or have clothes on her back. I have to remind myself to have this type of faith daily and remind my brain that wants to divert my thoughts elsewhere, to stay in the now. I am learning to forgive and forget. I just finished a great book and one of the steps in the book to gain a closer relationship with Christ was to forgive those that have hurt me and pray for them. Daily. Yeah, that list is long and I bite my tongue sometimes when I feel obligated to pray for people I do not like, but you know what---it taught me to live in the now. To live for today and not dwell on the past and not worry about the future. I wish I had learned it two years ago!

Granted, my fear stems from the unknown. I think many of us feel this way, especially when we have dealt with a loved one that has passed away or maybe it hits us that death really is inevitable. I am not sure. But as of lately, I have been given reminders that there is an afterlife and our souls carry on. I think it is more than just death, though. I have a fear of not knowing where the future will provide for us. I have a fear of Madelynne losing her faith. These are my “unknowns”. They stem from a dark abyss that I have officially offered up in prayer. Whatever the case may be, I have decided to just surrender---let go and truly, finally, just let God. I think He has an idea of what needs to happen.

Maybe it’s because we are about to celebrate Easter and I always look at it as a time of renewal. Maybe it’s because I am a little annoyed with the darkness that shadows our world. Or maybe, I am just overthinking everything because of the continuous storm clouds that hanker over the Pac-NW. I just hope that I get to teach Madelynne to believe in what is not there, to love all people no matter what their differences are, to help those who need it, and to not worry and be happy.

Philippians 4:6-7 -“Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

1 Peter 5:7- “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”