Almost 3 weeks ago Brad and I officially became parents. Madelynne Elizabeth was born in the wee hours of the morning on August 15th, 2011, weighing 8 lbs, 3 oz., and 19 inches in length. Words can’t even begin to describe the abundance of love I felt immediately toward this little miracle who was placed in my arms after I was able to go back to my room from recovery, after the c-section. The whole experience of giving birth is surreal in itself. One minute the life you created that was thriving inside of you, that you felt day in and day out, was now in your arms and real. Although there was this insurmountable amount of pain, (which is beyond description), it falls away as soon as that baby is placed in your arms. You forget everything because all you see is this tiny little person, whose fingers are wrapped around yours, and whose little heart is overflowing with the love from two parents who waited well over two years for this day.
Madelynne is a blessing. After the surgery and I was brought to my room, Brad was there with her, where he had remained the duration of my recovery period, skin on skin, cuddling and securing her. It was at that moment, when the three of us were alone together for the first time, that I really knew how blessed I was. My husband just endured 18 hours of watching me go through pain, doing everything in his power to be my rock, and helping me zone out, whether that was in the jetted tub or showing me videos on YouTube from Tosh.O to make me laugh and take my mind off of the contractions. When the doctor determined the best option to assure a healthy arrival of our little one would end up being a c-section, his presence beside me in the OR was more than words. Despite the tugging and pressure (it is the weirdest thing to feel people trying to remove something from inside of you, that you feel, but don’t feel…make sense?), he made me stay focused on him, and as soon as we heard Madelynne’s cry, his eyes shined with pride. Proud of me for enduring all of this to bring her safely into the world and proud of his little girl, the essence of creation.
As we reflected on those moments later, Brad said he was most definitely scared when they had him leave with Madelynne and had to finish the surgery. I had lost some blood and was given a blood transfusion, and while he enjoyed the time one-on-one with Madelynne in our room, he had never felt more scared and more helpless than that moment when he could not be by my side anymore. From the moment that he told me this, I realized immediately how much I loved him even more than ever before. It was a wave of abrupt emotional overload, probably onset by some of the hormones, but it allowed me to truly appreciate my husband as my best friend, devote husband, and, now, loving father.
The journey to now has not been easy. Recovery from major abdominal surgery is slow, but doable. I was really lucky to have an awesome doctor and nursing staff at the hospital, who made sure I was comfortable and helped in any way possible to get me to a point of feeling reasonably well. Madelynne had to undergo some time under the bilirubin lights to get her jaundice under control. But now, being home and adjusting to one another, exhausted, and just plain in love----yeah, nothing compares. I worry about the future and making ends meet and pray, day in and day out, that she is okay, healthy, and continues to be, but what I do know is that God has truly provided us with a ray of sunshine amidst the rain clouds that have bombarded us the past two years. And for that, I am forever in debt and grateful for.
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| Brad, Madelynne, and I. |
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